I can’t tell you how many times a woman has sat in my chair and said, “I’m ready for a change. What do you think we should do?” Of course I get excited. We start talking about possibilities, maybe something shorter, some layers, a whole new shape, and I can already see it. Then comes the inevitable. “But I don’t want to lose any length. Maybe just half an inch.”
Girl, come on now. 😂
I say that with love, I promise. Our hair is personal, and so much of who we are gets wrapped up in it. But I’m also honest with my clients. If we’re only taking half an inch, I’m not going to pretend you’ll walk out of here feeling like a different woman.
After 38 years behind the chair, I know it’s usually not about the hair. A woman may have worn it the same way for years because it reminds her of a time she felt beautiful and confident and like herself, so cutting it can feel like letting go of that version of her. And she’s never actually seen herself with the haircut in the picture she brought in. What if she hates it? It’s not like I can put it back on. So even when she’s excited about something different, what she already has feels safer.
When a client goes back and forth on a big cut, I tell her she has to be ready. I don’t mean she can’t be nervous. I mean she has to actually want it, because I could give her the most beautiful haircut of her life, and if she walks out wishing she hadn’t done it, she’s not going to love it. So sometimes we take baby steps. Instead of six inches we take three, she goes home and styles it herself for a few weeks, and next time we go shorter if she wants to. Then there’s the woman who looks at me and says, “You know what? Just do it!” Those are some of my favorite days. So many of them look in the mirror after and say, “Why didn’t I do this years ago?” And some go home, wash it, and need a week or two before the woman in the mirror starts looking like them again. Feeling strange at first never meant it was the wrong cut.
Lately I’ve noticed that I’m the one sitting in the chair.
Doing hair has been a huge part of my life. I love it, I’m good at it, and I could practically do it with my eyes closed. I get to connect with amazing women and have great conversations all day long. For a long time, the thought of stepping away brought up one big question: if I’m not a hairstylist, who am I?
That question has quieted down. I know what I want to do next. I want to help women with that space between knowing what they want and actually doing it. Honestly, it’s the space I’ve been standing in. I’m excited about it. I feel pulled toward it.
So I set a date to retire from the chair. And then I moved it. And then I moved it again. 🥴
The questions sound different now. Instead of “who am I?” it’s “Am I ready? Do I know enough? How do I make this work?” And when those come up, I do what I’ve always done. I research. I take another class. I tweak my message one more time. All of that can be genuinely useful. But I’ve started to notice when I’m doing it because there’s something I really need to figure out, and when I’m doing it because it feels a lot more comfortable than putting myself out there.
Which is pretty funny when I think about it. Here I am, wanting a big change in my life, and metaphorically asking for a half-inch trim.
Girl, come on now. 😂
The part that gets me is that I can see it. I recognize the pattern, I know exactly why I do it, and I can even catch myself right in the middle of it. And still do it! Knowing why was never enough on its own. What’s changed is that I finally have words for what’s going on underneath, and for what helps me move through it. That’s honestly a big part of why I’m so excited to share this with other women.
So now, when I catch myself reaching for one more class or one more rewrite, I stop and ask who I’m doing this for. When I look closely, every one of those questions is about me, my doubts and my worries about whether I’m good enough. And the whole reason I want to do this is for her, the woman who’s been saying “someday” for a while now and would love someone in her corner while she figures out what’s in the way. When I put my attention back on her, the doubts get a lot quieter.
Right now, my three-inch cut looks like this. Instead of waiting until I have it all figured out, I’m showing up here so you can get to know me. And I’m putting together a free workshop where we’ll create affirmations that are actually made for you, based on how you’re designed. (If you read my post on why affirmations don’t stick, this is the next part of that conversation.) Honestly, it scares me a little and excites me a lot. It’s not six inches. But it’s not half an inch either.
Just like the women in my chair, I get to decide what that looks like. Maybe it’s three inches this time instead of six, and that’s okay. What matters is being honest about whether I’m moving toward what I want or finding one more reason to stay where I am. I don’t think I’m going to feel ready first and then begin. I think the confidence shows up after, the same way it does for my clients once they’ve lived with the new cut for a couple of weeks.
Some women are ready to cut it all off. Some need to take a few inches at a time. And some of us are still standing in front of the mirror, trying to picture what we’ll look like on the other side. I don’t have to see the whole picture to begin. I just have to be willing to make the first cut.
So I’m curious, what’s your half-inch trim? Is there something you keep saying you want to change, and keep finding reasons to put off?
Peace, love and good hair days,
Chris