Years ago, while studying Spiritual Psychology, I was introduced to an exercise called an Ideal Scene.
In the center of a piece of paper was a heart with two simple words written inside: I AM.
From that heart, we created spokes with statements describing what we wanted to call into our lives.
But there was something important about how we wrote them.
They weren’t wishes for someday. They were written in the present tense, as though we were already experiencing them.
We were encouraged to be descriptive. To visualize what we were writing. To really feel the experience of those words and notice the energy they created within us.
And there was one guideline I particularly remember: It only had to feel 50% believable.
At the time, I was creating an Ideal Scene around calling in a loving, healthy romantic relationship.
I wrote about what I wanted that relationship to look like and feel like and I also went into great detail about the life we would share.
I described waking up in our beautiful home, the feeling of the most amazing sheets, sunlight beaming through the windows, and how amazing it all felt.
And on one spoke of that description, I wrote something like, I am waking up in our beautiful home, enjoying partial views of the ocean and partial views of the city from our windows.
I remember stopping and thinking, Wait, where exactly is that?
But then I remembered the 50% rule.
I lived in California. It was totally possible.
So I left it in.
Fast-forward to when my then-boyfriend, now husband, and I decided to move in together.
I wasn’t able to help look for our first home together, so he took care of it. I trusted his taste and knew he’d find something we’d both love.
On moving day, he showed up at my house with a U-Haul, loaded everything, and headed to Redondo Beach.
I hadn’t even seen the place in person.
All I’d seen were pictures of the outside. It was a quintessential little beach house, sky blue with white trim. Very cutesy-ish.
When we arrived, I walked around taking it all in. I was a little apprehensive, but I could see the potential.
I think he really wanted me to like his choice so he brought me into our bedroom and said, “Look at that. We have a partial view of the ocean!”
I thought, Oh wow, that’s beautiful.
Nothing clicked.
About thirty minutes later, he called me out to the backyard.
“Come look! You can see downtown LA from here!”
And suddenly, it hit me.
Partial views of the ocean. Partial views of the city.
Exactly what I’d written in my Ideal Scene.
I remember standing there thinking, Wow.
And then, of course, my next thought was:
Damn it. I should have asked for beachfront!😂
The power of intentional words
That experience stayed with me. Not just because of the coincidence of those two views, but because it reminded me of the power of being intentional with our words and our vision.
When I created that Ideal Scene, I wasn’t simply listing things I wanted. I was imagining what it would feel like to experience them. I was choosing words that moved me, inspired me, and helped me connect emotionally with a possibility I hadn’t yet experienced.
I’ve always been fascinated by the idea that words carry energy. Someone can say one sentence to you that stays with you for years, for better or worse. And then there are the words we say to ourselves, the stories we’ve repeated for so long that we don’t even hear them anymore.
A different way to think about affirmations
As we get closer to the end of the year, many of us start thinking about what we want next. Maybe you’re setting intentions, making a vision board, or choosing affirmations. I love all of it.
But something I’ve become increasingly curious about is what happens when the words we’re choosing don’t quite match what we believe deep down.
We can write, “I confidently pursue what I want.” But if somewhere underneath we’ve spent years believing that putting ourselves first is selfish, that affirmation doesn’t stand a chance. Or we write, “I welcome ease, flow and abundance into my life,” when honestly, slowing down makes us uncomfortable because we’ve been working hard and being productive for decades. (Guilty. 🥴)
We want those things. We just don’t fully believe them yet, and most of the time we don’t even realize that belief is there. For me, that’s where it starts: noticing the pattern. Once you see it, you can start doing something different with it. And that’s what inspired me to approach affirmations a little differently.
What if your affirmations were designed around you?
Instead of starting with a generic list of positive statements, what if you had a personalized starting point for exploring your natural patterns, how you’re wired, and what might be unconscious but running the show? What if you could discover words that invite you to recognize familiar patterns, explore new possibilities, and consciously cultivate qualities that support what you want to create?
Through a personalized framework for self-awareness, I’ll introduce you to four qualities to get curious about. They aren’t meant to tell you who you are or what you should believe about yourself.
Recently, I was guiding a woman through this process. After I shared her four words, she immediately told me that two of them didn’t resonate with her at all. But as we explored what those qualities might look like in real-life situations, something shifted. She said, “Oh wow. The two words I thought definitely didn’t resonate with me are actually the ones that resonate the most.”
I loved that moment. The words weren’t telling her something she had to believe about herself. The examples just gave her another way to look at her own experiences. Sometimes we simply need different language to recognize something familiar, and once we recognize it, we can begin exploring what else might be possible.
From there, you get to choose what resonates and create affirmations that feel meaningful to you. Not just words describing what you want to experience, but words reflecting the qualities you want to embody along the way.
Pattern to Possibility
I still love the idea of creating a vision for what we want, and I still believe there’s something powerful about choosing words that inspire us and help us imagine new possibilities. But today, I’m just as interested in exploring the patterns that may be influencing how we move toward those possibilities.
Because we can write beautiful affirmations all day long. The invitation is to become aware of what might be getting in the way, choose the words that support the direction we want to move in, and begin practicing them in our everyday lives.
Maybe you’re wanting to create a loving relationship, write that book you’ve been thinking about, start a business, or simply experience more ease and freedom in the life you’ve already built. Whatever it is, I’m guessing you already know what you want. You’ve read the books, you’ve listened to the podcasts, and you might even know what that first step needs to be to get the ball rolling. You just haven’t taken it yet, and you may not really know what’s holding you back. So I get it, you don’t need another list of things to do. Sometimes you just need to understand yourself and your patterns a little better, and that’s when things start to open up.
That’s the inspiration behind Affirmations by Design. On Friday, December 4, I’m teaching it live for my yearly subscribers. I’ll show you how to create personalized affirmations that land, based on your design, so the words you carry into the new year have real power behind them as you take action. Can’t make it live? The replay is yours.
I’ve never offered a paid subscription before, so as a thank you to the first women who join, I’m offering a special founding rate. Since I’m turning 57 on December 5, the yearly subscription is $57 until my birthday. After that, it goes to $95. But if you join by my birthday, you’ll keep $57 for as long as you stay.
If something in this story got you thinking about your own words, I’d love to have you there.
And who knows? Maybe you’ll discover something about yourself you hadn’t quite had the words for before. Or at the very least, you’ll remember to ask for beachfront. 😎
Peace, love and good hair days,
Chris